I have bought some new gardening trousers. My old ones were starting to physically disintegrate, and some even older ones I discovered in the bottom of the wardrobe had frayed through at the crotch. That's not so bad at this time of the year while I'm wearing thermals underneath, but could still lead to some embarrassing encounters with the postman. Time to go hunting in the sale section of the Lands' End and Cotton Traders websites for heavily discounted chinos.
The winner on this occasion was Lands' End. Cotton Traders had some but only in size 14 and in dusky pink. Mud covered khaki is one thing, but filth encrusted pink trousers a size or two too big is a sartorial step too far even for me. The Lands' End trousers were a pound more at ten quid but sounded practically perfect for my purposes.
They reviewed very badly, which is presumably why they were reduced to a tenner. The one person to have bought some and then bothered to give any customer feedback summarised their key points as follows:
Droops at crotch
Sits too high above waist
That sounded like gardening trousers. When you are crawling around in the borders then nether garments that are cut generously around the rump and high in the waist are just the job, to avoid freezing your kidneys or presenting the postman with an unladylike view of your bum cleavage. The elasticated waistband, while style death, is likewise comfortable when you're bent double. The only feature I regret is the lack of a belt loop, as I collect any rounded pebbles or stones with holes in that I find, dropping them in my pockets if I don't have a plastic flowerpot to hand, and the trousers might not stay up under the weight. But otherwise they are ideal. And they were even cheaper by the time I bought them.
I am not the only person with a use for horrible cheap trousers. When I ordered them four days ago they were available in every size, and I took a punt and bought two pairs. By last night they were sold out except in size four.