take two

I psyched myself up mid-morning to call someone about a climbing plant they'd asked for this time last year, and which had finally come into stock.  A year is a long time to wait.  Much more than that and I really do feel too ludicrous ringing them, unless it is a very special plant of incredible rarity.  The man was in, so I didn't even get the soft option of leaving a message on his voicemail, and after some deliberation concluded he would like the plant to be mail ordered to him in Lincolnshire.  Once he'd decided that I was harmless and trying to be helpful, he became quite chatty, and I was treated to a short lecture about the evils of local government reorganisation. Some people still haven't forgiven Ted Heath for the creation of Humberside.

The second outing of the wildlife talk is all done and dusted.  This time I had the boss sitting in full view for half of it, which could have been deeply off-putting if I'd let it.  Not so much because he is my employer, as because lecturing to people you know is bizarre.  That's why I didn't even attempt to practice a dress rehearsal on the Systems Administrator, it would simply have felt ludicrous.  The audience was smaller than yesterday, and this time I forgot to tell them not to put fish in their wildlife pond, otherwise they'd eat the eggs of everything else, but I remembered to include most of what I wanted to say.  I got one request for my contact details with a view to future possible talks, which was encouraging.  I am mightily relieved to have got that out of the way, given that when we got back from holiday I had to do three different talks by 9th October, two of which were new, and I hadn't written either of them.

The manager and I each received a couple of bottles of wine by way of reward, and the owner said that she was grateful, and knew that preparing the talks meant extra work out of hours, and that it was potentially embarrassing if nobody came.  The wine was a kind thought, and it was nice to know that they did grasp something of what was involved.  People who don't like public speaking tell me that I'm brave, when bravery doesn't come into it, if you aren't inhibited about standing up and addressing a group, but it is an effort, in the preparation, and in cranking yourself up to the required level of energy.  I am not my normal self while I'm lecturing, but have adopted a different and more outgoing persona, like Galadriel assuming the glamour (except that instead of a huge and terrifying elf queen, the audience gets a small and genial middle aged woman pacing about with flailing arms).

Somebody rang up about the advertised job.  I wish the owners would stop advertising, given that they have now got a shortlist of people the manager says would be ideal.  Today's candidate was polite, but with a thick accent I put down over the phone as from somewhere in Africa, and sounded as though they had no idea what a plant centre even was, let alone experience of working in one.  I felt obliged to answer their questions about what the job entailed and what sort of qualifications were expected, while knowing that it was a complete waste of time.  The owners are never going to employ anybody with no knowledge of plants, a heavy foreign accent that our customers won't be able to understand, and apparently not terribly good at understanding RP themselves.

The manager said that he took a call last week from a man who told him at the outset that he knew f*** a** about plants, but that he had been told he'd got to ring us up otherwise his Jobseeker's Allowance would be cut, which I thought showed an element of refreshing honesty.  It's fair enough and all to the good that Jobcentres propel the unemployed into work, but agents of the state shouldn't be conspiring to waste small business's time by coercing benefits claimants into applying for posts requiring skills and knowledge they patently lack.  The job has been advertised throughout as requiring extensive plant knowledge, so have the courtesy to take the proprietors at their word. The manager is faster at thinking on his feet than I am, and said that the vacancy had already been filled.