I thought I might have a couple of hours to work in the garden before the rain arrived, but it was already raining by the time I got up. We need rain, and it didn't rain yesterday afternoon when it was supposed to, so I can't really complain. It would be handy if it could be nicer weather just at the moment, to encourage the new little chickens to come out of the hen house. They were all clustered in the egg laying box when I went to let them out this morning, and when I lifted the lid four little faces did look up at me, and start peering over the side of the box, so they have had a glimpse of what lies out there. It is not very convenient for the laying hen to have the nesting box occupied by tiny hens, and I hope they get a little braver soon, but a cold, wet day like today does not provide a good incentive for them to want to come out. Later on the rooster went into the hen house, and the new little chickens all tried to hide in a heap behind the food hopper, like something out of the Keystone Kops. They have got a tray of water in there, as they won't come out to use the proper drinker, and they keep kicking sawdust in it.
I spent a happy hour picking dead leaves off the overwintering pelargoniums in the greenhouse, until my feet got cold, and then scrubbed the old writing off my collection of used plastic plant labels. Pencil washes off quite easily, with the help of a green scouring pad. It's a job to save for a wet day, when there's not much else to do, and you can listen to the radio while you're doing it. Later I might scrub some flowerpots, and sow some seeds. A greenhouse is a wonderful toy for anybody who likes pottering around with plants. It has all the merits of a shed, but with abundant natural light.
I also failed my UK Citizenship Test. This would come as a blow if it weren't that I am already a citizen. I took the on-line practice test out of curiosity, to see what kind of questions they asked, after reading an article about it in the Telegraph, and Nigel Farndale was right, it is a really bizarre test. I got 63%. Nigel Farndale failed it too, though he doesn't say what he scored. It's true that I wasn't trying very hard, and maybe subconsciously wanted to do badly to prove how silly it was. I was finished in nine minutes and something seconds, and you have up to 45 minutes to complete it. However, as it is a multiple choice test you shouldn't need that long to answer 24 questions. If you don't know the answers then the safest method, like spelling a word you're not sure about, is to go for the first answer you think might be right, and not spend too long agonising over it.
For example, the number of children and young people aged up to 19 in the UK is 13,14,15 or 16 million? I guessed 15 million, which turned out to be correct. This was based on nothing except that I remembered from a Woodland Trust campaign that several years ago there were 12 million UK children under the age of 16. It turned out to be right, but what earthly bearing does it have on anybody's fitness to be a UK citizen? If they'd thought that the answer was 5 million or 25 million we should be worried that the applicant was innumerate, deeply stupid, or hadn't even a rough idea of the size of the total population, but 15 million versus 14 or 16 million? It doesn't matter. I got the next question wrong, guessing that the Muslim population in 2001 was 1.6% of the total, whereas it turns out it was 2.7%. I knew it was a low number And the question asks about eleven years ago, not even now. If a prospective new citizen believed that Muslims comprised 10% of the population, or 25%, then I'd be worried, but 1.6% versus 2.7%? Sub three per cent, either way. A smallish minority.
Some of the questions were ambiguously worded, when you thought about them. I decided that it was True for the purposes of the test that you could only attend a hospital without a letter from a GP in an emergency, thinking of visiting A&E versus seeing a consultant for the first time, where you do need a referral. But follow-up appointments with consultants, and regular attendance at things like diabetes clinics, don't need a GP's letter every time. Once you're in the system you deal directly with the hospital, so the literal answer to the question would be False. I got that one right, but failed the first question. It turns out to be False that in the 1980s the largest immigrant groups were from the West Indies, Ireland, Pakistan and Indian. They were from the United States, Australia, Africa and New Zealand. The test must take a narrow definition of immigrant group as citizens of other countries currently living in the UK, whereas I'd taken it to include second and third generations who still formed parts of culturally distinct immigrant communities. It's true that in the 1980s The Systems Administrator and I did know several Americans, Australians and Africans who were working in the UK (who never took UK citizenship and have mostly since left), but you don't hear talk on the radio or read in the papers of 'the American community' or 'the Australasian community', whereas you do hear about 'boys from Afro-Caribbean backgrounds' or 'the Pakistani community'. The latter exist as official concepts. Their attainments are monitored by state bodies and they are the recipients of outreach programmes. The former don't and aren't.
Many of the questions are astonishingly narrow. Children aged 13-16 are limited to 10 or 12 hours of work during the school week? I don't have children, and I'm not planning to employ any children. If I needed to know the answer to that question I could find it out. But what constitutes work? Does it count if it's the family business? If it's not paid? Where is the cut-off line between helping out your parents and work? Some of the questions are straight out of O level history, 1970s style. In which year did married women get the right to divorce their husbands, 1837, 1857, 1875, 1882? What??!! They are all dates in the nineteenth century, during the Victorian age. How many native born UK citizens whose ancestors have been here since Boudicca was at war with the Romans know the answer to that question? (it's 1857, if you want to know. I didn't). If a prospective citizen thought that the answer was 1980, or 1500, I'd be slightly worried, but not very. If they thought that married women couldn't divorce their husbands I'd be more worried, and if they believed that they ought not to be allowed to, I'd be really worried.
There is nothing in the test about values or beliefs. Absolutely nothing. The cultural questions are mostly very odd. Asking whether people know what the speed limit is on single track roads is fair enough (glad I got that one right) but checking whether they know that Ulster Scots is a dialect spoken in Northern Ireland? Checking whether they are up to date with the plot line of at least one TV soap and the last round of the current reality show would be a better guide to their prospects of fitting in socially around the water cooler.
The SA failed the test as well, so we had better start searching for a country to take us in. Meantime, I have a modest proposal. Let every MP and senior civil servant take the test. Those that fail will of course resign immediately, since they are not fit for office. Or they could invent a better test.
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